The Chronicles of Me, Myself and I

The new plan of action

2009-09-03T22:18:00.002-05:00

So today officially started my journey with the RE. It's kinda depressing and kinda exciting all at the same time. It was a pretty basic appointment to be honest.

Got to the doctor and waited for 30 minutes to be seen. Then comes out this man... "Steve". He was a very nice man and has been a sonographer since 1972. Yes ladies and gentlemen he has been in this profession since before I was born. He has been in infertility since 1982. I guess I'm in good hands. I do have to say... I was not happy that it was a male sonographer. I really feel like that is something that should have been divulged perhaps when I made the appointment. Don't get me wrong - he was 100% professional, and polite. I just didn't like being in a dark room with a guy old enough to be my father with a wand up me alone. Just gives me the heeby geebies! Anyway, he did point out some things that the sonographers at my ob/gyn had not pointed out surrounding my PCOS. So we finish that part and I get the all clear. WOOT! I don't have any cysts that are larger then the others right now that could cause an issue.

So next, I go into the little consultation room and talk to the nurse. She tells me the prescriptions that I will be given and sends me on my way. I of course have a few questions. So I start clomid and femera tomorrow. He also changed my dosage of metformin. I'm having issues with it though and so he changed it to the ER version. Here's hoping that this helps. I think poor Mr. H&W is tired of everytime I move getting sick. Oh also was given a prescription for Ovidrel, but the grocery store said that insurance wouldn't pay for it because it was a procedural drug. Which I totally don't get because well they covered it in the doctors office last month. So something to look into tomorrow.

I am also supposed to have an HSG this month, but we couldn't get the timing to work because we are going out of town Tuesday. I found a place that I could possibly do it where we are going, but now I am not sure that I want to. I think that I may just wait and see if I have to have it next month. Here's hoping not!

So aside from that, the day after we get back from vacation I have a follicular study scheduled. Then I will trigger and do an IUI. Here's hoping this is the last "plan" we have to have.

An interesting day...

2009-08-17T22:54:00.005-05:00

Well, I haven't posted in how long? I'm not very good at this. I really should try harder. I think my lack of posting has been due to my denial about, well life. However, today was an interesting day. Why you ask, well let me tell you.

I feel like I "officially" started my journey on this infertility or IF train as it's called around the message boards. Now, this isn't exactly true since this journey technically started back in March. So why today? Well, I had my first appointment with an RE. Otherwise known as a Reproductive Endocronologist or Fertility Specialist. But I am getting ahead of myself. Let me give you a little background info of the past few months.

March - met with a new Ob/gyn about things not being right since my miscarriage (m/c) in November. So we had a talk. She told me what she suspected, and that next month we would do tests to conclude if she was right or not. Charting officially begins

April - charts still look wonky. Have sono and bloodwork to confirm PCOS. Regime of metformin started.

May - sono and 50mg of clomid started. Went on vacation to make a baby, and celebrate our anniversary. We failed on the baby part, but had an amazing vacation celebrating our marriage anyway. Pregesterone blood work - negative levels Long cycle - annovulatory (again) - provera started cd30 with bloodwork to confirm neg HCG levels. cd45 AF finally showed her ugly head.

June - sono 50mg of clomid. Sono for follie study on cd 10 1 8mm on left side. cd 13 1 14mm on right side. cd 16 1 21.3mm follie on right side. Trigger shot followed by IUI on cd 17. Pregesterone levels up to 8 which is HUGE improvement from negative. Still not good enough.

July - sono 100mg of clomid. Sono for follie study cd 10 - at least 2 follies on each side measuring at least 7mm. This is a good sign from last month. cd 13 1 follie on each side approximately 10mm. cd 15 follies look the same - minimal improvement and indicitave that this cycle will be annovulatory. ... from here we wait and see. This cycle was cancelled from trigger and iui. Referred out to RE.

Which leads us to today. We had our first appointment with the RE today. And yes I say we, because Mr. Hoping and Wishing went with me. I'm really glad he did too. He came out of the meeting feeling better then I did.

First of all, I have heard that fertility doctors are a bit brash. This I was told was especially true about male doctors. Well the particular doctor that we chose has been named best in the area for many years by various sources. He is also apparently one of the top ten doctors in the country accourding to some other sources. His statistics are good and in the meeting I did have a good feel for how he approached things.

So anyway about the meeting... we go in and he starts hammering in right away. He has about 2 pages of questions for the both of us. There are some things that are flags for him in this discussion. So we continue as he goes through the biology lesson on how things work and then we hammer out a plan pretty quickly.

So the condensed version for the next month is as follows.
1. Get AF to show up... hopefully on her own without medicine and without having the timing of things screw up the trip to Florida. If not call about 5 or 6 weeks from last AF and prescription drug to help will be prescribed.

2. Sonogram - not sure if this is cd 3 sono or just in that AF frame sono.

3. HSG - Hysterosalpingogram within 10 days of AF

4. bloodwork - estradiol and usmac (no clue what the latter is, but will figure it out soon.)

5. drugs - clomid, letrozole and increase in metformin

6. sono - cd 13 should see progress. Hoping for 20+ follie

7. Trigger with ovidrel - when follie is to size

8. IUI scheduled for 39 hours later -

9. bloodwork - progesterone 7dpo

Hopefully no rinse and repeat necessary.

So this is the plan for a max of 3 cycles. Then we will introduce injectable drugs intermittenly. Also, at this point a laparoscopy will need to be done to see how severe the endometriosis is. He's sure that I have it - just not to what degree. Then we will go from there. So that's the short version believe it or not.

There are a lot of things to think about considering all of this, but I'm trying not to get too far ahead of myself at this point. I'm trying to focus on being here to time things right and that our scheduled trip to Florida doesn't end up making us toss this cycle and not being able to start all this till October. That would seriously SUCK!

Anyway, it's late. I should try and get some sleep at some point.

Dancing in a train station!

2009-04-25T11:42:00.005-05:00

My sister sent this to me via email yesterday and I thought it was great! I love the sound of music, and especially this song. It is just one of those songs that makes me smile and want to sing along. Which of course I always do! :) Anyway, it's pretty cool.

God is good

2009-04-23T14:13:00.002-05:00

I just wanted to share that God is good!

I have a good friend that has been very sick for a while now. I have been very worried about her for a very long time. BUT... I got to talk to her today!

She is home now - at least temporarily, and in and out of the hospital several times a week. She is still very sick, but she is HOME! She finally gets to see her darling son and her husband. Both of whom are VERY happy she is home. I can't imagine not being able to see my child for 2 months! Anywho, I am just greatful that she is home and feeling better. It was so good to talk to her and know she is feeling better. She still has a very long road ahead of her so PLEASE keep her in your prayers if you are reading this.

Pay attention here ...

2009-01-07T08:27:00.004-06:00

OK boys and girls pay attention here ... This is important.

If you are pregnant, think you might be pregnant, know someone who I know who is pregnant and due May, June, July, August time frame - please just tell me NOW!!!!

I think that I have handled the miscarriage thing pretty damn well. Including people telling me to just get over it, that it's better off because obviously it wasn't healthy and who wants an unhealthy baby anyway, to not be upset about it because I didn't have enough time to get attatched anyway. Yes, these are actual words from people that are all close to us. I understand that intentions were meant well, but seriously - have some compassion!

So I have found out that 3 more people are pregnant this week that I am friends with. I am so ecstatic for them, but that doesn't make it any less hard. To know that they are going to have children who are the age that mine should have been at. Now I know that God has a plan and that this was to teach us something - what I don't know yet, but something.

Anyway, if you are pregnant would you please just let me know. No more suprises please! :)

Also, anyone know why everyone that was pregnant before me that I knew about that found out I had miscarried suddenly dropped off the face of the earth? Are you trying to protect me by not keeping me in the loop about what is going on with your miracle? I was happy for you before I am happy for you after. I never said anything about being jealous or needing to stay away so wtf? I have NEVER been a bitter miscarriage chick - so why treat me like i have?

Thougts anyone?

ANOTHER doctor appointment

2008-12-12T12:21:00.002-06:00

Sooo, I'm sitting here and decided to catch up on some of my blogging. I haven't really been reading or obviously writing. Looking back and seeing when I actually posted a blog was when I found out ....

Found out what???? Found out that I had a miscarriage - even though none of my doctors will really tell me a whole lot about it. They were running tests to see what exactly what went wrong, but yet I still have to hear anything. Typical hospital nonsense I assume. So I was also told that I had MANY cysts on both sides. More on the right side then the left which is ironic cause its the left side that is killing me so much. So by many apparently I had over 13 on one side and I don't remember the number on the other side, but it was close to the same number. The good news was that none of them were extremely large. They were close to being what they say need to be operated on immediately, but well I don't want to go through that sooo. Then I also had multiple cysts that had ruptured and there was fluid still present. I guess they could see this through the CT scan or maybe the US or Sonogram. Then not to mention the infection that I also had. So basically I had a few weeks of major misery, but am feeling better in general. I still don't feel great and still have that annoying pain. The good news is that its not like it was with the stabbing pain I had before. So maybe things are looking up.

So on Monday, I have an ob appointment again. They are doing another sonogram to see how the cysts are doing and I guess to see how everything else is doing. I am actually really anxious about the appointment. I guess because I don't necessarily feel like I am getting any actual answers about anything. I want them to talk to me about when we could potentially start trying. Which I know wouldn't be for several months because of some of the medicine I was taking for the infection would cause either another miscarriage or severe birth defects. So that is obviously not something that we want to mess with, but I am just feeling a little overwhelmed.

I hope that in this next appointment they actually tell me something useful. They tell me what I can expect. They can tell me if I will have any issues TTC. Or what is going on. I hate the unkown. I hate not knowing - I think that is the worst part.

Mr. Hoping and Praying

2008-11-11T10:44:00.002-06:00

I love my husband! Yes, I realize he's my husband and I should, but seriously he's amazing! No he didn't do anything special to make me say this today - I just do. Sometimes I think he's the only person on this earth that understands me. You know that old saying about someone being created just for you? Yeah, that's Mr. Hoping and Praying for me. I can do anything with him and its all ok. We can talk in code so that nobody else knows what we are talking about. We can give a look and know what the other one needs or wants. I'm so lucky to have such a great man to be by my side for always. He knows when I'm down or just need to be for a little while, and even checks to make sure that he hasn't given me too much time to just be. How great is that? I mean really how many guys can figure out that distinct line of "leave me the hell alone" and "you better get your ass in here so I don't get mad at you" without you having to say something.

I have found that the biggest compliment that I have ever recieved is from people saying... "I don't know how you guys do it." This is generally followed up with, "You guys have been through so much in such a short amount of time. I don't know that my marriage would have survived all of that." Which don't get me wrong I'm not saying this to toot my own horn here. I am saying it because it amazes me when I do here it. I mean - I know what we've been through. I know what we have endured in the short time that we've been married, but you don't know even a quarter of it. It's strange to hear, especially from couples that are older then us, and you would figure would have been through their fair share of stuff. IDK - I just seem to hear it a lot.

There is no real point to this blog today, other then I wanted to say I love my husband, and I thank god every day that he's MY husband! Oh I also love the girls... Tay, Boo and Pie... silly as you guys are!

Mr. Hoping and Praying... I love you Forever, For Always & Even After That! xoxoxoxo

Friendship, Really???

2008-11-07T11:41:00.005-06:00

Isn't this so true????

I am wondering when the day will come when I realize that my real friends are those that prove they will be there. I keep thinking I know who my "REAL" friends are.

Then I find myself wondering... do I really? Are these people the ones that are going to be there for me. When something horrible goes wrong are these the people that are going to stand by my side and support me? I know my husband will. He has proven that time and time again that he is an incredible man. But all those other people... the ones I thought I would be friends with forever ... they change. Don't get me wrong I know that I have too, but sometimes I wonder who it is that has changed for the worst.

If you can't tell, I'm a little on the frustrated side today. I feel a bit betrayed by my closest friend. It's started over something small and stupid, but has me really bothered. I asked them to meet me after work for a drink. I needed to unwind and decompress. Now keep in mind, this friend of mine knows me better then probably anyone except for my husband. I've been going thru some crap, and I would think he would be a bit more supportive then he has been. Not once has he asked how I am doing, or feeling or coping with anything that's been going on. I am sure that I'm just being selfish - because maybe that trip he has planned to Lowe's is way more important then listening to me when I need a friend. The thing is... I feel like I always drop whatever I'm doing to go to him when he needs me. Just once in a while I would love to feel like my friendship isn't an inconvenience. I am being harsh I realize, but I am frustrated right now.

Shouldn't friends get as much as they put into it? I'm just saying. Sounds kinda like the "golden rule" to me. Treat others as you would like to be treated. Well, I guess as long as I am doing my part, right?

Our Country...

2008-11-04T20:59:00.005-06:00

So first I have to say... Carl Rove.... Drives me insane! I know he's a die hard republican and has done a lot for our country and was a big republican advisor, and has done good things. However, he annoys me. What the hell does hook em horns and the eyes of Texas have to do with McCain winning Texas? I mean I am ecstatic that McCain won Texas, however don't be a tool.

OK with that said, how is it that people really believe that an admitted Marxist is going to be better for this country? I get that we are having issues with the economy. I get that the republican president is getting blamed for that. I get that people vote based on the color of skin not what the candidate actually stands for. Proof of this is that interview from Howard Stern show that they went to Harlem and interviewed people who said they were voting for Obama. In this interview they asked people why they were voting for him. It was a type of thing where they would ask things such as ... How do you feel about Obama choosing Sarah Palin for a running mate. That was answered with a positive answer about a woman should be in office or something to that effect. Another question was about if they supported Obama's decision to stay in Iraq and Iran and fight the war. They again were for this. What was more important his being pro choice or his decision to stay in Iraq? It was really interesting actually, because it just totally proved that people really do vote based on the color of skin. Just pisses me off.

I think that in order to vote, you should have to take a test to prove that you are competent of the issues at hand. How is it that the democrats are winning the house, senate, and presidential campaigns. God help us all.

So I say... get the guns, hide the kitties because it's going to get really ugly here boys and girls!