ANOTHER doctor appointment

Sooo, I'm sitting here and decided to catch up on some of my blogging. I haven't really been reading or obviously writing. Looking back and seeing when I actually posted a blog was when I found out ....

Found out what???? Found out that I had a miscarriage - even though none of my doctors will really tell me a whole lot about it. They were running tests to see what exactly what went wrong, but yet I still have to hear anything. Typical hospital nonsense I assume. So I was also told that I had MANY cysts on both sides. More on the right side then the left which is ironic cause its the left side that is killing me so much. So by many apparently I had over 13 on one side and I don't remember the number on the other side, but it was close to the same number. The good news was that none of them were extremely large. They were close to being what they say need to be operated on immediately, but well I don't want to go through that sooo. Then I also had multiple cysts that had ruptured and there was fluid still present. I guess they could see this through the CT scan or maybe the US or Sonogram. Then not to mention the infection that I also had. So basically I had a few weeks of major misery, but am feeling better in general. I still don't feel great and still have that annoying pain. The good news is that its not like it was with the stabbing pain I had before. So maybe things are looking up.

So on Monday, I have an ob appointment again. They are doing another sonogram to see how the cysts are doing and I guess to see how everything else is doing. I am actually really anxious about the appointment. I guess because I don't necessarily feel like I am getting any actual answers about anything. I want them to talk to me about when we could potentially start trying. Which I know wouldn't be for several months because of some of the medicine I was taking for the infection would cause either another miscarriage or severe birth defects. So that is obviously not something that we want to mess with, but I am just feeling a little overwhelmed.

I hope that in this next appointment they actually tell me something useful. They tell me what I can expect. They can tell me if I will have any issues TTC. Or what is going on. I hate the unkown. I hate not knowing - I think that is the worst part.

Mr. Hoping and Praying

I love my husband! Yes, I realize he's my husband and I should, but seriously he's amazing! No he didn't do anything special to make me say this today - I just do. Sometimes I think he's the only person on this earth that understands me. You know that old saying about someone being created just for you? Yeah, that's Mr. Hoping and Praying for me. I can do anything with him and its all ok. We can talk in code so that nobody else knows what we are talking about. We can give a look and know what the other one needs or wants. I'm so lucky to have such a great man to be by my side for always. He knows when I'm down or just need to be for a little while, and even checks to make sure that he hasn't given me too much time to just be. How great is that? I mean really how many guys can figure out that distinct line of "leave me the hell alone" and "you better get your ass in here so I don't get mad at you" without you having to say something.

I have found that the biggest compliment that I have ever recieved is from people saying... "I don't know how you guys do it." This is generally followed up with, "You guys have been through so much in such a short amount of time. I don't know that my marriage would have survived all of that." Which don't get me wrong I'm not saying this to toot my own horn here. I am saying it because it amazes me when I do here it. I mean - I know what we've been through. I know what we have endured in the short time that we've been married, but you don't know even a quarter of it. It's strange to hear, especially from couples that are older then us, and you would figure would have been through their fair share of stuff. IDK - I just seem to hear it a lot.

There is no real point to this blog today, other then I wanted to say I love my husband, and I thank god every day that he's MY husband! Oh I also love the girls... Tay, Boo and Pie... silly as you guys are!

Mr. Hoping and Praying... I love you Forever, For Always & Even After That! xoxoxoxo

Friendship, Really???

Isn't this so true????

I am wondering when the day will come when I realize that my real friends are those that prove they will be there. I keep thinking I know who my "REAL" friends are.

Then I find myself wondering... do I really? Are these people the ones that are going to be there for me. When something horrible goes wrong are these the people that are going to stand by my side and support me? I know my husband will. He has proven that time and time again that he is an incredible man. But all those other people... the ones I thought I would be friends with forever ... they change. Don't get me wrong I know that I have too, but sometimes I wonder who it is that has changed for the worst.

If you can't tell, I'm a little on the frustrated side today. I feel a bit betrayed by my closest friend. It's started over something small and stupid, but has me really bothered. I asked them to meet me after work for a drink. I needed to unwind and decompress. Now keep in mind, this friend of mine knows me better then probably anyone except for my husband. I've been going thru some crap, and I would think he would be a bit more supportive then he has been. Not once has he asked how I am doing, or feeling or coping with anything that's been going on. I am sure that I'm just being selfish - because maybe that trip he has planned to Lowe's is way more important then listening to me when I need a friend. The thing is... I feel like I always drop whatever I'm doing to go to him when he needs me. Just once in a while I would love to feel like my friendship isn't an inconvenience. I am being harsh I realize, but I am frustrated right now.

Shouldn't friends get as much as they put into it? I'm just saying. Sounds kinda like the "golden rule" to me. Treat others as you would like to be treated. Well, I guess as long as I am doing my part, right?